Trevor Moore’s debut album, Drunk Texts To Myself, is a collection of mostly very funny songs.
The songs are presented in a variety of musical genres, including pop, rap,
heavy metal and even spoken word. My favorites are “Maybe It’s Because,” “Tom
Hanks Is An Asshole” and “God Hates The Tips.” The weaker tracks are all at the
end of the album (basically the final three tunes). All of these songs were
written by Trevor Moore, though he gets help on the vocals from a series of
guest vocalists.
Drunk Texts To
Myself begins with a short spoken word introduction to “Founding Fathers
Rap” in which a teacher asks her students their favorite things about the
founding fathers. The song itself is a rap about what the founding fathers were
really all about: hemp. It starts with
George Washington getting high. Then Jefferson sings, “The Declaration of Independence I wrote so high I’m surprised it makes
sense.” Abe Lincoln is present in this song too, also getting stoned. (Of
course he’s not a founding father, but that’s okay.) My favorite line, however,
is “Ben Franklin got so high he forgot to
be president.”
“Tom Hanks Is An Asshole” is presented as spoken word, a
great choice, for it actually gives it a serious tone, almost like from a
documentary or news broadcast (at least at first). It begins, “In 1994 Tom Hanks once pretended to be
mentally handicapped for six straight weeks. He even filmed it, and then
submitted it to the Academy Awards. Then, after he won an Oscar, he called the
Down Syndromed actor who played Corky on the TV show Life Goes On and said, ‘Now who’s retarded?’ Then he
said ‘You are,’ and he hung up on him.” I love this one, not because I
think Tom Hanks is an asshole (I’ve never met him), but because I truly hate
many of his films (such as Forrest Gump,
Cast Away, The Terminal, Saving Private
Ryan, Sleepless In Seattle, and The Bonfire Of The Vanities). The bit
about Heath Ledger made me laugh so loudly I think I might have alarmed my
neighbors.
“Maybe It’s Because” is an acoustic tune, a sort of love
song about a problematic relationship. The woman is just not responding the way
the singer hopes. This is one of the
CD’s best tracks. It’s wonderful. I totally love it, and I feel for the guy,
even as I hear the woman’s screams in the background. We all need love, baby.
“The Pope Rap (Modern Day Profit)” is a rap about how the
pope (and thus, by extension, religion itself) is all about making money, sung
from the perspective of his holiness himself. Anyone who has seen pictures of
The Vatican can’t help but be impressed by the absolutely disgusting display of
wealth, and will appreciate this song. There is a break in the song, when the
pope talks with a girl who is crying because grandmother has just died. He
tells her, “You know it would be a shame
if someone were to stick her in a place where she just burned and burned
forever. You don’t want that, do you?” But of course he requires a
significant donation. Isn’t it about time that churches were taxed?
“Drunk Texts To Myself,” the CD’s title track, is a
series of text messages that he is reading the next morning, having no memory
of sending them. Each text is done as spoken word, but is partially repeated by
backing vocalists, who also sometimes comment on the text, adding to it. And
that stuff is my favorite bits about this track. Here are a few examples of his
drunk texts: “Black people are the second
worst at being president,” “Write a
dinosaur children’s Christmas book – the last line should be ‘Because it had
never snowed in Dinosaur Land before’” and “Try to get the rights to Space Jam.”
“God Hates The Tips” begins as an a cappella gospel song,
then kicks in like Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” This is the only
song about circumcision that I’m aware of. “God
hates the tips of little babies’ dicks.” This is just great, great, great. I found myself singing along to this one.
Probably my favorite lines are “A few
then went and raised objections/Saying they didn’t see the connection/But he
said I’m God so none of this needs to make sense.” There are some other
lines that are wild, but I don’t want to spoil their impact by quoting them
here.
“Help Me” is a pop song from the perspective of a child
performer who was sold by its parents to a producer in the music industry. “He makes me do things that I don’t want to
do/Please call child services or maybe SVU.” The producer, at one point,
interrupts the song, rapping about how this is just one of the child’s
practical joke. That’s my favorite part, with the child in the background
crying for help and saying “Don’t let him
put me in the box.”
The last three tracks aren’t as good. “What About
Mouthwash?” is a song about not being able to buy alcohol, so turning to
possible alternatives. “My Mom’s A Bitch” is a heavy metal song about a boy who
is annoyed with his mother. It’s not that funny, and of course the music is annoying.
“Time For Guillotines” is a song about putting aside our differences and coming
together to get the country back in shape by executing a lot of people.
CD Track List
- Founding Fathers Intro
- Founding Fathers Rap
- Tom Hanks Is An Asshole
- Maybe It’s Because
- Vatican Radio Intro
- The Pope Rap (Modern Day Profit)
- Drunk Texts To Myself
- God Hates The Tips
- Help Me
- What About Mouthwash?
- My Mom’s A Bitch
- Time For Guillotines
Drunk Texts To
Myself was released on March 26, 2013 on Comedy Central Records.
(Note: I also posted this review on Pop Culture Beast.)
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